


If this is the last time

by shicchaan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:07:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29188275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shicchaan/pseuds/shicchaan
Summary: Sugawara always thinks. It’s been a part of him. That’s something that he can be proud of. He loves how his mind always works rationally. He loves how he can think so fast, how his mind can think of an immediate solution whenever a problem arises. He is proud of that nature of his. It’s one of the things that a setter should possess but, sometimes, it can be too much.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 18





	If this is the last time

Cold air around the room, pitch darkness is all he can see. Sugawara sits on his bed, pulling up the blanket up to his chest, the cold air of January is hitting his face. He sighed and closes his eyes, trying to make his other senses work. It seems like he’s the only one in the two-room apartment that he shares with his roommate, Oikawa Tooru.

Funny how his former rival became his roommate.

He wants to think back from the start where they first meet but then, he just.. can’t.

His mind is running around, going places. The feeling of floating is there once again, it seems like his soul is traveling somewhere else. He cannot feel himself. He feels..

He feels the bitterness scrunching his stomach yet the bitterness isn’t alone, it has this.. soft melting feeling in his chest that makes him feel uneasy. He opens his eyes and roams It around the room. He suddenly think of the things that he needs to fix, his hoodies that need to be put inside the closet, his towel that is needed to put back in the bathroom, the plastic cup of coffee that is needed to be thrown away.. He sighs and slips back down in his blanket.

He’s been feeling like this for days.

When people are around, he can still feel happy though but when he is alone, he suddenly feels.. sentimental.

Sugawara always thinks. It’s been a part of him. That’s something that he can be proud of. He loves how his mind always works rationally. He loves how he can think so fast, how his mind can think of an immediate solution whenever a problem arises. He is proud of that nature of his. It’s one of the things that a setter should possess but, sometimes, it can be too much.

Right now, he’s thinking about the things that he shouldn’t be thinking about. He thinks about the first time that his hand touches the volleyball in his gym class during his grade school days, he thinks the first time that he steps inside the volleyball tournament when he was in middle school, the first time that he saw Karasuno in the television as they fly towards the victory as they fight in the nationals. He thinks about his former teammates, how are they doing if they have been eating well if they are doing well on their own, and not overworking themselves.

His heart suddenly feels warm as he thinks back to the time where he, Daichi, and Asahi were walking together after their practices, He thinks how precious their smile and laugh was and how he misses Tanaka chasing after them, obvious how the younger adores his senpais.

Senpai..

Did he become a good upperclassman to his kouhais?

He curls under the covers and hugs his knees, his mind suddenly feels foggy. He knows that his mind has been running endlessly yet, he also knows that he has been thinking about nothing. His mind is empty yet he can still feel everything. He can feel the emotions swimming in his chest. He can taste the bittersweet taste of nostalgia on his tongue, can feel his body draining by thinking too much, can feel the other side of his bed, dipping..

“Kou-chan. Are you sleeping?”

He can hear that soft whisper coming from the other side of his bed. He didn’t answer nor move. He’s thinking about how he didn’t hear his roommate coming inside of his room. Is he thinking that much for him not to notice the soft screech of his door when it’s being opened?

“You’re awake, aren’t you? I can hear you thinking from here. Would you mind sh-”

“Tooru, I love you.”

Sugawara turns as he felt the other freezes up. Why did he say that? Why.. It just slips out from his mouth and despite of the countless thoughts running around after he declared his feelings, he doesn’t feel like opening his mouth to defend himself from that calculating gaze of the other. It was dark in his room, it was cold, yes but he can feel Oikawa looking at his face, trying to read his empty gaze. his mind drained all of his energy that he can use to get up and run away, Sugawara just stayed there, mind blank yet, his chest is full of emotions.

“I- Are you serious, Kou-chan? Ha. Ha. This is a prank of yours, isn’t it?”

There, Sugawara lets out a chuckle, he doesn’t know how it sounds, if it sounds lifeless or bitter. He just wants to laugh out his feelings away. This.. Is he not genuine enough to be taken as a joke? Yes, it was reckless. He feels bad that he just let it slip it out like that. How he lets his emotions took over even though he has been thinking too much for the past few minutes.

He turns his back to Oikawa, pulling up the blanket to cover himself, not even minding the searching gaze of the other. He already started this, he has to take responsibility for his words. With a sigh, he opens his mouth to speak.

“I just want to say that I love you, Tooru. I want you to know how I feel.. if ever that this is the last time.”

**Author's Note:**

> messy, i know eueueueuue


End file.
